Married Personals

How to Attract Beautiful Women: The Best Ways to Handle Physical Contact By Tiffany Taylor

2009-01-10T19:12:00.001-08:00

Touching/physical contact is an absolutely vital component of seduction. You can't successfully pick-up a girl without first establishing a basic level of mutual tactility I.E. Before you can move in for the kill by kissing and/or sleeping with her, you MUST first have a regular, healthy amount of touching that works both ways: she flirtatiously puts her hand on your knee, you encircle her waist with your arm and pull her a little closer whatever form the physical contact takes, it has to be present for you to achieve your final goal of actual seduction. And that right there is where the problem for many men lies: how can a guy get the ball rolling when it comes to tactility and physical closeness? If the girl's not being tactile, how can a guy develop mutual physical closeness without freaking her out or scaring her away?

Often men just "go for it" and consequently end up making the girl feel uncomfortable or even slightly violated because of their rushed attempt at physical closeness. Other men decide they don't want to risk putting a girl off, so hold back any kind of touching or bodily contact doing so usually sends out the wrong message, that the guy is either not interested in the girl, or that he's simply too timid to show it, neither of which are attractive scenarios in the mind of a good-looking, fun-loving girl. Okay, so what's the solution to this awkward problem?

Quite simply, you just need to follow a few basic rules or procedures, all of which conform to the personal boundaries of most girl (and therefore don't appear uncalled for or rushed) but at the same time clearly indicate that you're a confident guy who's not afraid of getting to know girls and even showing it through casual, relaxed physical contact. So, let's take a look.

1. Many men think that touching a girl in any way when they first meet them is an absolute no-no. But that's simply not true. To form a positive, strong first impression and create an immediate bond with a girl when you first introduce yourself or get talking, casually and gently touch the outside of her right arm while at the same time verbally expressing something. The outside of a woman's arm is not intimate enough a place for the touch to feel strange or out-of-place, but at the same time it's a clear-cut sign that you're a personable, socially adept kind of guy. Don't be afraid to give it a try you'll notice the benefits immediately.

2. Once you've started a conversation with a girl, or when you randomly find yourself chatting to a woman you really like the look of, it's important to keep up the physical contact. Doing so helps maintain the bond and rapport you've already created and also helps build it further, into mutually felt sexual attraction. You can use something called 'Stealth Tactility' to do this. Quite simply, stealth tactility involves making physical contact with the girl in a disguised way. For example, if she wants to go to the bar or bathroom but doesn't know the way, you can use stealth tactility by placing your hand on her shoulder, drawing her in a little closer, swivelling both of your bodies round until you face in the right direction, then point past other people or obstacles with your other hand to where she needs to go.

3. Lastly, always try to use a 'contact close' when you finish your conversation with a girl. For example, after swapping numbers or arranging to meet again, give her a kiss on the cheek or a hug and a kiss. Many men think that the hard work's been done once something's been arranged for a later date, but making physical contact before you part with a girl is always a great way of ensuring she remembers you and really cannot wait to see you again.

Tiffany Taylor is the female author of GuyGetsGirl, a special guide that reveals for the first time what goes on the minds of women AND how men can use special psychological and social techniques to attract and seduce them regardless of their looks, bank balance or the car they drive. Attract And Seduce Women Today

About the Author! Click here to read more onThis Topic.For updated information on dating tips for men please visit this site.

Resist Marriage: Be Among The Happy Unmarried Singles

2009-01-10T11:12:00.001-08:00

Most people are rushing for a trip down the aisle. Being in love with their partner, getting married is the next sensible thing to do. Legal life-time commitments are what unmarried singles are rushing for but wait a minute. There are reasons why you should not get married. If you are on your way to church make sure the following is not among the reasons you are in so much hurry. You should enjoy being single if the only reason you are getting married is to save your romantic relationship. Getting married will not make your relationship better if it is in bad shape. A ring on your woman or man's finger will not change his/her behavior of coming home late or ignoring your needs. In fact i am sorry for you since it might even make it worse.

Many people panic when they reach a certain age without having gotten married. They feel they are getting old without a family and therefore rush into dysfunctional marriages. Pressure to settle down should not be the reason as to why you are in a frustrating marriage. You should be among the aging unmarried singles that are in no hurry to get married to any available jerk. You can get married at any age so what is the hurry for? You should wait for such a time when you and your partner feel ready and excited to settle down as a husband and wife with no pressure whatsoever. Questioning looks should just be left to pass. Do not respond when your family and friends suggest that you are getting late.

Money is the root of every evil. It is very unfortunate that there are unmarried singles who tie the knot to get financial benefits. Some people treat marriages like profit-generating projects. You should not marry or get married for financial reasons. Dollar signs trigger most marriages and this definitely does not end well. I have heard people who reason that if they have a certain amount of money when they are single, they might have double when they become a couple due to the power of combined earnings. Trying to hang on your partner might make you think of marriage. Marriage is a very wrong move because it cannot make someone who wants to go to hang on to you. Let the person go and celebrate being among the happy singles who believe in getting attached to people who love to be around them.

You should not get married because you are considerate to the other partner. There are many unmarried singles that go down the aisle because they owe it to their partner. The guilt forces them into unwanted marriages simply because the partner in question is caring, kind, and deserves only marriage. You deserve to be happy in the arrangement and so do not do it for someone's sake. Marriage is a lifetime decision which should be due to the love you have for each other. A marriage that is borne out of the above reasons is bound to fail and it requires a lot of effort to maintain. Stress is always a factor when a marriage is inspired by something else apart from love.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest ProjectUnmarried Singles Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Unmarried Singles

Flirting When Married Rules

2009-01-10T03:12:00.001-08:00

Everybody flirts, yes even the married ones. Just because you got married it doesn't mean you should lock the keys of the flirting and throw them in a deep well never to be found again. In fact this is when flirting becomes even more interesting. Get out of the house, flirt at every chance you get. For those people who look for adventure this should be the greatest adventure ever. The only rule about flirting when you are married is not to be caught doing it especially if your partner did not know you were doing it. You do not want a divorce file sent to you because your husband or wife caught you flirting and they got so hurt they could barely look at you again. Flirting when married is also a nice way of knowing if you are still desirable to other people and not only your husband or wife alone.

Just like flirting that is carried out by people who are not attached to anyone, flirting when married entail almost the same things. The only difference is that you have to be careful not to fall in love with this person. This is because for single people, they mostly flirt for fun and at the same time to try and find themselves potential candidate they could settle down with in future. When you are married be careful not to lead the person on in such a way to make him or her think you are available for something more than flirting later yet you are not. There is a certain level you should not pass when you are married and it comes to flirting.

If you are flirting when married make sure you can stop just in time if you see the need to stop and it is threatening your relationship with your husband or wife. If you find that you cannot stop flirting with a person you had better seek help. That is because you will be in much trouble if you can not stop and your partner finds out that you have such a problem. Though people who flirt love their partners, the partners might not think that they love them enough and perhaps the reason for their flirting. So be careful while flirting and do not do it when your husband or wife is fully watching you and you know they do not like it. It is not good at all.

Finally if you are flirting when married respect the other person enough not to do things they do not approve. Flirting can be a very good thing but it can also be a very bad thing. This is because when married people flirt they bring back a lot of good things in their relationship. As long as the two people who are married are flirting and all of them accept that their partner is only doing it for fun and not to hurt them, it is a safe thing to do. You might even come to appreciate and love each other more. Make sure before you start flirting with any one that your partner is fine with it and that you are not jeopardizing your relationship with him or her. Go ahead, have fun flirting while married. It certainly is not cheating.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest ProjectFlirting When Married Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Flirting When Married

Singles: Do You Know If You Really Are A Single Woman?

2009-01-09T19:12:00.001-08:00

"Single Woman" is a phrase that is used promiscuously. It is tossed around without any clear distinctions among the many different ways in which a woman is single. The misuse and confusion may cause social, political, and possibly emotional damage, as well as unwarranted bias against singles. Here is a humorous look at what can actually be a serious consequence of the confusion

Have you ever referred to yourself as "unmarried"? If so, think about this: A negative prefix in front of a word implies a deviation from the norm. Married with "un" in front means you are describing yourself by who you are not. If we extend this to its logical conclusion, this means you are a "non-man." If you are short, you are "non-tall." If you use the word "unmarried," you are using a deficit term to describe yourself and your friends.

But, that's not all. Even if you eliminate the deficit term "unmarried" from your vocabulary, there is still confusion about who you are because the phrase "single woman" encompasses a variety of circumstances. It refers to women who want to marry and those who want to remarry. It refers to those who don't want to be married at all but wouldn't mind living with a man in a committed relationship. It includes women who are dating and those who wish they were dating. And those who have no interest in dating, like nuns. As if that isn't confusion enough, society (and the Census Bureau) consider married and partnered lesbians as single.

I must have been really bored one day when I started counting the multiple ways those women who have never had a marriage certificate. Then, there are those who did but are now divorced or widowed. I've already mentioned the next tw in which a woman could be "single." I came up with six different categories. There areo categories -- lesbians and those who have absolutely no interest at all in being with a man, like nuns.

The sixth category includes those whom society identifies as single, even if they don't. For example, Marsha and Louise. Marsha has been living with Lenny for 15 years, yet according to the Census Bureau, she is single. Yet, Louise, who has been separated but never legally divorced from Martin for those same 15 years, is married.

Then, what about age? Certainly, a 20 year old is an entirely different "single" than a 83 year old, even though both may not have (or never have had) a husband. And, women who have children are a different single than those without; those with young children are different from those with grown children. And, many women who have previously been married grapple with whether they are "divorced" or "single."

So, if you are an Always Single, Divorced, Widowed, or lesbian, or nun, you could

* Have children

* Not have children

* Be in a committed relationship

* Not be in a committed relationship

* Willing to be in a committed relationship

*Not willing to ever be in a committed relationship

If this isn't enough, you can have some more fun with knowing if you are single, by thinking about "When did you become single?" If you had once been married, it's a simpler answer; you can check your divorce papers. Except, if you are Louise, it's not so simple; she's not divorced from Martin. Of course, if she's now living with another man, she actually may consider herself married to him!

If you have never had the gold ring, when did you become single? Society has no rite of passage for transitioning from adolescence to adulthood. So, did you become single when you turned 13, 16, 21? (In one of the retreats I run for all types of singles, one women said she became single at birth.)

We're not through yet. Society has no recognized distinction for people moving from being a young single (i.e., late teens) to an adult single (i.e. thirty-year olds). Yet, we certainly have different expectations for each. If a 17 year old without a husband wanted to adopt a child, people's reaction would be very different than if a 42 year old wanted to.

By this point, you may be asking: "What difference does all this make?" Well, in some way, it makes no difference. But, on the other hand, it makes a great big difference.

Think how often you or someone you know, or someone on television, or a politician talks about "singles." Societal values and legal and political policies about singles make sense with some definitions of singles but not with others. For instance, "Singles should be celibate until married." Would everyone agree the 65 year old Always Single woman should still be celibate?

Or, what about Louise and Marsha. Marsha may be approved for certain insurance and legal benefits that are denied Louise.

So, if you are feeling badly about being single, be sure you know which single you are feeling badly about being!

If you enjoyed thinking about whether or how you are single, you will enjoy a slightly more serious gift I have for you: 15 Golden Rules For Being An Emotionally Healthy Single Woman. Go to DrKGL.com/rules. And, you will certainly want to check out the weekend retreats I run for all types of single women -- http:www.UniqueRetreatsForSingleW

People Observe Diamond Engagement Rings Because They Mean Two Peo

2009-01-09T11:12:00.001-08:00

People observe diamond engagement rings because they mean that two people in a position of affection plan to marry. There are countless citizens around the world who appreciate that a diamond ring on a woman's left hand signifies that she plans to be married because she is in love. She and the gentleman who presented her the ring recognize that this ring is a sign of a lasting pledge. The diamond is preferred for its emblematic spot in our culture for the reason that it is a very extraordinary gem. Diamond engagement rings glisten and shine. These gems are regard as cherished gems because they are extremely solid and survive a very prolonged time. That is why they are so highly polished to reveal the quality.

Diamond engagement rings occur in all silhouettes and sizes. The cost ticket for each diamond depends on the mass, the silhouette, and the color. Most diamonds come into sight to be gemstone and crystal clear, and these gems do have colors. There are black, blue, and yellow diamonds, but yellow ones are not so familiar. A jeweler can scrutinize the diamond circumspectly to decide the cost too. The jeweler will acquire a specific device and peer directly at the precious stone to see if there are any failings that cannot be observe by the naked eye. A perfect diamond ring will list for a higher price than one with several defects. Opportunely, most individuals can't see the defects in diamonds.

Diamond Engagement Rings Signify a New Beginning These rings typically last a very vast time. The majority of them last longer than the title-holder, and a lot of people give their rings to their family including their grandchildren when they pass away. A number of people use a diamond ring from a grandmother and give it to a future bride. These gems will more often than not be very stunning and radiant for all the individuals who wear them. A diamond ring, which has found its way from a particular family member typically, has very particular importance to all the relatives.

These gems stones have a very extraordinary significance whether they are old or new, and these are mounted as exquisite rings they are put on the left hand to indicate a pledge to matrimony. A diamond ring placed on some further hand will not carry the same worth. The ring could be just as attractive or more exclusive than an engagement ring, but it will not have the same connotation.

An engagement ring demonstrates pledge, but these rings also are a symbol of sweetheart. These rings are the signal that a two people are approaching a fresh life with one another. When the bride and groom ultimately get married, the wedding ring is placed next to the engagement rings.

Guy Morris writes primarily for , a web page covering information on contemporary style engagement ring and contemporary rings. His writings on contemporary engagement rings are published on his website .

Book Review by Sheena Berg: Doctors Grace Gabe and Jean Lipman-Blumen's Step Wars

2009-01-09T03:12:00.001-08:00

How many times have you heard of empty nesters, be they divorced or widowed, falling in love and marrying and thinking to yourself, "how fabulous and how perfect?" After raising a family, it's now their turn to experience the dream relationship, where they can focus exclusively on each other and nurture their marriage without having to worry about raising each other's kids.

Younger single parents who remarry face the common blended family issues of co-parenting responsibilities, transitioning kids, dual household finances, step-sibling rivalry, and ex-spouse conflicts, all of which deplete the energy of the adult relationship, and leave little opportunity for the couple to nurture each other.

As a matter of fact, most step family literature is geared towards younger step families because it's assumed older second families escape the normal blended family issues and are in the perfect position to concentrate on each other and bask in healthy extended blended family relationships that only add to their combined happiness. It sounds too good to be true, and usually, it is.

In their break-through book, Step Wars, Grace Gabe, M.D. and Jean Lipman-Blumen, Ph.D. detail the surprising and unique dynamics of the adult step family. After gathering data from in-depth interviews and focus groups among a representative cross section of remarried parents and their adult children, the authors have written the definitive book about the reality of step families and adult children.

Grace and Jean have outlined five common anger issues, described as the Five Furies, that surprisingly, both the parental couple and adult children share. Although these basic fears and concerns are crucial factors in stepparent relationships, there are differing viewpoints about who causes them.

1. Fear of Abandonment and Isolation. The fear of losing a relationship that you depend on for emotional and/or monetary support.

2. Fidelity to Family. Worry about changes in loyalty, especially when members of the original family worry that the parent will lose his or her old loyalty after remarriage, when stepchildren feel the new partner's family has too much influence, or when either spouse feels there is too much loyalty to the old family.

3. Favoritism. Worry about who is number one in each family and whose wishes are given top priority.

4. Finances. Anxiousness among adult children that they may lose money or property that they were hoping to receive, and for parents, the notion that their adult children are more concerned about their inheritance than about the parent.

5. Focus on Self to the Exclusion of Others. Anger that a parent or an adult child is concerned only about her or himself and no longer cares about others.

Step Wars contains a plethora of actual relationship examples that set forth the major problems between adult stepchildren, their parents and stepparents, and provides practical and encouraging advice and strategies for parents and adult children both.

About the Author

Sheena Berg enjoys writing articles for the StepHeroes step parenting advice newsletter. She will be interviewing Doctors Grace Gabe and Jean Lipman-Blumen September 30,9 pm EST. Submit your question to them by visiting: Subscribers to the StepHeroes Newsletter will be invited to attend the interview at no cost. To subscribe, visit WEB MASTERS: Use of this article requires links to remain intact.

More About Step Wars, the Groundbreaking Book by Grace Gabe, MD and Jean Lipman-Blumen, PhD

2009-01-08T19:12:00.001-08:00

Step Wars, by Grace Gabe, MD and Jean Lipman-Blumen, PhD, starts off with the scenario of the excited and happy older couple, misjudging the reaction to their second marriage, and having their happiness shattered by the unexpected, negative responses of their adult children who suddenly weigh in about their parent's love life and marriage plans. It's a generational role reversal.

However, it's rarely friendly and often creates conflict in the marriage, either between the parent and adult kids and/or the new spouse and his or her kids. Whatever the relationship dynamics, it is baffling for the newlyweds to face the unexpected anger and resentment.

Step Wars is divided into manageable chapters covering every significant topic and issue in adult step families. The wedding itself; the role the new spouse should assume whether the joiner, the guardian angel, the unifier, the indifferent, or the distancer; opportunities and dangers; issues around combining households; adult children's ties to the family home; step sibling relationships; grandchildren; division of property; and holidays, celebrations and commemorations.

The key section of the book explains eight crucial skills that help parents and adult children deal with the Five Furies. These are valuable strategies, labeled Tact and Tacking Skills, that will help resolve conflict. Tact because it is a diplomatic skill incorporating thoughtfulness and caution, and Tacking, which is a nautical term to signify reaching a destination in a series of moves, each at an angle, rather than in a straight line:

Reframe the issue.

Let time pass.

Become an observer.

Use tenacity to maintain and defend your core values.

Trade and negation, or give and take.

Forgiveness, empathy, apology, and tolerance.

Practice transformation through wisdom.

Practice turning away from the problems and letting go.

Adult step families can be rewarding and comforting when parents, adult children and grandchildren work together as a healthy and contented family unit.

About the Author

Sheena Berg enjoys writing articles for the StepHeroes step parenting tipsnewsletter. She will be interviewing Doctors Grace Gabe and Jean Lipman-Blumen September 30,9 pm EST. Submit your question to them by visiting: Subscribers to the StepHeroes Newsletter will be invited to attend the interview at no cost. To subscribe, visit WEB MASTERS: Using this article requires links to remain in place.

Why Join Dating Website For Married

2009-01-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

Today, there are numerous dating websites for married people. A dating website for married people is quite controversial but, present all the same. If you are a married person looking for a love affair, this is the perfect place to begin. There are so many reasons why married people find the need to have affairs outside marriage. The first thing is lack of love. There are thousands of couples who are just surviving in loveless marriages. They stay on because they are afraid of the social implications. These people find themselves looking for extra marital sex. What they are really after is love and affection. There are other married people who are not satisfied with the partners they have. Others simply want to experiment on affairs. It is truly exciting to be in an illicit relationship. However lame the excuse may be, the fact is that more and more married people are having sex outside marriage. A dating website for married people will come in. It facilitates the process of finding a suitable partner. This is a growing trend that is constantly not discussed by many. Over half of all married people in the United States will break up with their partners. The main reason for this are affairs outside of marriage. Therefore, the problem already exists before a dating website for married people comes in. However, the websites will only facilitate more and more married people contemplating on this to execute their plans.

Choices rule the world and, when you are married and wish to go this direction, you are aware of the repercussions. If you are prepared to take the risk, go ahead and make use of this services. There are several websites for married people. You can get to meet people in your local area. Perfect love affair is one of the leading sites. It will cater for people from various places in the United States. The following are just some examples of state where you will meet dynamic people through this service. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Ohio, Utah to mention but a few. You can have an affair in all these places. Therefore, get more information on what you are supposed to pay for the service. Before you join, make sure you read the terms and conditions of the service. Do not agree to anything you do not understand. Ask questions so that you can be sure. Join a site that has a private policy. When you are seeking to have an affair, privacy will be a priority. When you are determined to do this, go ahead and register. Make sure you keep your username and password in a discreet manner; they should be as unique as possible.

If you need to know how to go about an affair, there are sites that will have good advise for you. Among the tips you will find are on keeping the affair on the down low. There are many groups and individuals who are very much opposed to this. Many married people detest people who have affairs outside of marriage. The best thing is to be single, this way, you will not hurt anybody. Bottom line, you will have to decide what you want to do.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest ProjectDating Website For Married Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Dating Website For Married

Step Families CAN be Happy Families

2009-01-07T03:12:00.000-08:00

How many times have you heard of empty nesters, either divorced or widowed, falling in love and marrying and thinking to yourself, "how wonderful and how perfect?" After raising a family, it's now their turn to have a dream relationship, where they can focus exclusively on each other and nurture their marriage without having to worry about raising each other's kids.

Younger single parents who remarry face the typical blended family stressors of co-parenting responsibilities, transitioning kids, dual family finances, step-sibling rivalry, and ex-spouse issues, all of which dilute the energy of the adult relationship, and leave little time for the couple to nurture each other.

As a matter of fact, most step family literature is geared towards younger blended families since it's assumed older re-marrieds avoid the usual blended family issues and are in the perfect position to concentrate on each other and bask in healthy extended blended family relationships that compound their happiness. It sounds too good to be true, and in many cases, it is.

In their groundbreaking book, Step Wars, Grace Gabe, M.D. and Jean Lipman-Blumen, Ph.D. explain the interesting and unique dynamics of the adult step family. After gathering data from in-depth interviews and focus groups among a representative cross section of remarried parents and their adult children, the authors have written the definitive book about the reality of step families and adult children.

Grace and Jean have identified five prevalent anger issues, called the Five Furies, that surprisingly, both the parental couple and adult children share. Although these widespread fears and concerns are crucial factors in stepparent relationships, there are differing viewpoints about who causes the problems.

1. Fear of Abandonment and Isolation. The fear of losing a relationship that depends on for emotional and/or monetary support.

2. Fidelity to Family. Concern about changes in loyalty, especially when members of the original family worry that the parent will lose his or her old loyalty after remarriage, when stepchildren feel the new spouse's children have too much influence, or when either spouse feels there is too much loyalty to the old family.

3. Favoritism. Concern about who is number one in each family and whose wishes are given top priority.

4. Finances. Fear among adult children that they may lose money or property that they were expecting, and for parents, the notion that their adult children care more about their inheritance than about the parent.

5. Focus on Self to the Exclusion of Others. Anger that a parent or an adult child is concerned only about her or himself and no longer cares about others.

Step Wars contains a multitude of real and identifiable relationship examples that set forth the major problems between adult stepchildren, their parents and stepparents, and provides practical and encouraging advice and game plans for parents and adult children alike.

There is no substitute for reading the book, but if that isn't possible, join Sheen Berg, a blended family coach, who will be interviewing Doctors Grace Gabe and Jean Lipman-Blumen September 30,9 pm EST. Submit your very own question to them by visiting: Sheena Berg, a blended family coach, will be interviewing Doctors Grace Gabe and Jean Lipman-Blumensoon. Submit your very own question to them by visiting: Subscribers to our free StepHeroes stepparenting newsletter will be invited to attend the interview for free.

Sex, Oral Sex, and "Hey, Everybody's Doing It!

2009-01-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

1. Pregnancy Happens. Actually, pregnancy doesn't happen. For a male and a female who indulge in an activity that has a primary outcome called pregnancy, pregnancy is a choice. "I got pregnant by accident" just doesn't cut it. An accident is when a 16-year-old is so worried about her mascara that the rearview mirror in her car becomes a vanity device that distracts her from noticing the pole in front of her. Bam! Now, that is an accident. Getting pregnant is a choice.

2. Parenthood Obliterates Our Freedoms. The worst age -- the most awful time -- for a woman to have a baby is when she's 16 or younger. During her early teens, a female's body is not biologically developed for pregnancy or delivery; and, unfortunately, it's also the most inappropriate time of life for mothering a baby. Sixteen-year-olds should be tossing french fries at each other, not burping infants. Everything changes during parenthood. Everything. The most tenacious and capable adults often pronounce parenthood as the toughest experience of their entire lives! A girl who gets pregnant in her teenage years might as well kiss college and career good-bye (at least, she should, considering her baby is going to need a doting, full-time mother for a very long time). Parenting is a new life, a totally foreign experience for anyone who does it.

3. Having an Abortion Engenders Eternal Trauma. Women who have chosen abortion usually do not walk away from their experience with a slight shrug of their shoulders and then calmly go on with their lives. Some women -- albeit a minority -- will never have another child due to complications from their abortions. Some women die. Many women who have abortions live the rest of their lives wondering: "shoulda, woulda, coulda -- why didn't I?"

4. Bad Reputations Really Suck. This is especially true when a major feature of the bad reputation is sucking. Sure, boys can get away with smutty, skanky behavior, while girls can't -- at least, they couldn't up until recently. And one of the reasons: jerky, inconsiderate, drooling, frothing, salivating boys are a common part of the teenage landscape; in other words, it's expected. Girls, on the other hand, are made of sugar and spice and everything nice -- or so they say; regardless, girls who slut around become the prime targets of the gossip mongers, and their reputations are sullied. And nobody respectable cares too much for the boys who bed-hop around either, especially if they kiss and tell. Come to think of it, just about every teenager -- girl or boy -- shuns these especially obnoxious braggarts. Having another notch in your belt ain't all it's been cracked up to be.

5. An STD Is Not Something You Dump in the Carburetor. Sexually transmitted diseases can kill you. It is known that AIDS still kills, even though fatal cases have decreased in the past few years. Other diseases, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis -- and scores of others I can't even pronounce -- rear their ugly heads, too. Nobody with a lifelong sexually transmitted disease attracts eager sex partners. Ask yourself this question: How enthusiastic are you about marrying a man or a woman with herpes or genital warts, knowing that you could never ever have unprotected sex with him? Sounds very attractive, no? Even so-called safe sex is risky, because some STDs are transferred through skin-to-skin contact -- and pills don't cover skin. Condoms don't cover all parts of the penis either, especially some penises.

6. Parents -- Particularly Fathers -- Die When Their Kids Have Sex. Yeah. No lie. If teenagers would keep their sexual escapades a complete secret from their parents for their entire lives, fathers might survive; however, this is rarely the case. Even suspecting that their children are engaged in sex is enough to kill parents. And this is particularly bad for fathers. Fathers know what guys are thinking about their daughters! The thinking is awful enough, but throw in the actual sexual contact and the father's mind runs rampant with frothing animosity toward the boy. When it comes to their boys, fathers maintain a somewhat different stance on their sons' sexual escapades. Also protective of their boys, most fathers transfer their own sense of gallantry -- even though they may not have had it as teenagers -- to their male offspring. Contrary to opinion in some circles, a lot of fathers definitely do not think it is cool to hear that their sons are having sex, especially if their boys are underage: no notches, no kudos, just plain wrong -- and a debasing way to treat a lady.

7. Big Investments Receive Little Return. Much of American society has assigned little stigma to teenage boys who have sex. Society figures this is simply something boys are going to do, because there is such an enormous drive to do it. When boys have sex, they often do so without depth of feeling, without investment of emotion. It feels good. It's risky. It's a sign the girl cares. All three of these are definite pluses for the boy. Girls, on the other hand, invest more when they have sex: Girls give more of themselves -- even all of themselves -- in their sexual escapades. For girls, the risk is not that they will get caught doing something daring, adult, and naughty; the risk comes in the form of a question: "What will eventually happen to her investment?" If you invest little and lose it, it's no big deal. If you invest all and lose it, a crisis ensues, usually of great emotional proportions. I tell my students, "Every romantic relationship you will ever have in your lives will end. Except one. And even half of all marriages end in divorce." People who manage to stay together until they die have beaten the odds. But even for them, all of their previous relationships had broken up. The return that a girl receives on her sexual investment may not have been worth it; and that is always -- always -- tough to take. A girl becomes more jaded about sex every timeone of her investments tanks.

8. And Just How Many Guys Have You Done? If you're a girl, you need to think about the inevitability of having to answer this question; most husbands or fiancés or boyfriends will get around to asking it. You can respond with indignity and tell him it's none of his damn business (even if it's your husband), or you can stand there like a statue, blushing in silence. When wives (and girlfriends) get around to asking this question about girls -- and they will -- they sometimes expect that the answer will not please them. And they are usually not surprised by the answer. How refreshing it would be to say to your spouse, "I saved myself for you. You have all of me now." When my students write that they are not going to have sex "until they meet someone special or know that they are in love," I ask them how many times they have already thought they were in love or had met someone special. Usually, during an uneasy silence, they squirm. For some of them, my question is answered by quite a long laundry list. And most of the girls find it quite embarrassing. By the time they're 30, if they have not married and settled down, how many sexual interludes will have been in their pasts? Eventually, how will they respond to their (future) husbands' curiosities about their sexual histories?

9. The Youth Culture Confirms It: In the Muddy Gutter. Most teenagers are tired of hearing about how bad they are. How immoral. How selfish. I know that I hated hearing all of this negativity about my generation when I was a teenager. Some kids always try doing the right thing, because doing the wrong thing plagues them; their deterrent is their conscience. Pregnancy, STDs, and emotional turmoil don't enter the folds of their daily concerns, because they already know they won't be having indiscriminate sex -- even discriminate sex -- with anyone. Why? They hate what it says about their collective reputations, and they don't intend to exacerbate the problem. Usually, it's adults who embrace this mature philosophy, but many teens wish to be known as responsible individuals, trustworthy people, and they know that when their group is branded otherwise, it reflects upon them, too. Other teenagers who tarnish the image of even the "good kids" (by virtue of association) repulse them; right or wrong, guilt by association is a reality. These teenagers clearly view engaging in sex, oral sex, or "friends with benefits" as a form of hypocrisy. Philosophically driven, they remain celibate.

10. Wrong Is, Well, Wrong. Teenagers do not possess an objective sense of right and wrong -- many people don't. And the answer to whether teenagers should be having sex does not come from an objective source, unless we look to the Christian Bible. There are numerous sanctions against unmarried sex in the New Testament. Conviction that having sex out of wedlock is wrong, or babies making babies is wrong, has to be taught from an early age. There is, however, a pragmatic way for teenagers to view this: "This is one pain in my life that I don't need! Gag me [uh, here probably not the wisest choice of antiquated teenage slang]! What! With school problems, family problems, job problems, friend problems, problem-problems, why add the unnecessary burden of sex problems!" Sex problems push the regular drama of relationship problems up a huge notch.

Who needs that!

Sometimes we simply have to accept that some things are . . . simply because, well, they are: Two and two are four. The sun rises in the east. A teenager who engages in sex is doing something reckless. Intercourse for kids is not kosher. Having unmarried oral sex is degrading, especially for teenage girls. All arguments waged in verbal intercourse do not require recognition that they must have two sides, as most assuredly, sexual intercourse -- with all its consequences -- looms on the horizon.

Author Bio

Bruce J. Gevirtzman is a high school English teacher who has also, for 34 years, served simultaneously as a sports and debate coach. Also chief playwright for Phantom Projects, an acclaimed youth theatre group that has performed across several western states, Gevirtzman has authored and directed more than 30 stage productions. He has been featured on NBC and PBS, and in the Los Angeles Times. Gevirtzman runs educator workshops focused on teen issues. His book, An Intimate Understanding of America's Teenagers, is available August 2008 from Praeger Publishers.

Please visit for more information.

Dealing With Marital Conflict

2009-01-04T03:12:00.000-08:00

In any marriage, even the most supportive and harmonious, there are disagreements, and the way the couple resolves conflict affects the health, vibrancy and longevity of the marriage. Some couples mistakenly believe their marriage has no chance of success if they have disputes, which could be due to the age-old belief that conflict is best avoided to ensure family unity. The result of conflict avoidance is often barely controlled anger and deep-seated resentment about unresolved issues.

Ironically, voicing disagreements may actually create growth and intimacy in a relationship if the conflict is resolved constructively. Conflict is normal and inevitable, and in blended families, issues of transitioning kids, ex-spouses, financial problems and parenting differences can increase the range of disagreements with negative results.

Although one of many experts in the field of relationships and conflict resolution, Dr Scott Haltzman offers unique insight and practical advice in his best-selling book, The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wifes Heart Forever. Dr Haltzman has distilled on-going research from thousands of married men into a useful guide that highlights 8 useful strategies that help marriages thrive.

Strategy # 4, "Expect Conflict and Deal with It," helps couples gain a better understanding of conflict by describing the way men and women are biologically equipped to cope with it, the moods and motives that cultivate disagreements, the patterns of conflicts and how to allay them. Everyone wants to feel listened to, cared for and validated, and being aware of this goes a long way to helping couples put the brakes on conflict and patch things up before they spiral out of control.

This is what Dr Haltzman wants us to know about conflict:

1. Happy and unhappy couples argue about the same amount of time and about the same basic issues: money, sex and housework being the three most popular.

2. 69 % of clashes in a marriage are never resolved, and thats an acceptable level.

3. Both men and women can learn constructive ways to debate issues, and to agree to disagree.

4. Conflict many times surfaces due to the inherent differences in how the sexes view conflict and how they cope with it.

Dr Haltzman describes the 4 common ways that arguments accelerate. See if you recognize yourself or your partner in any of these descriptions:

Feeding the Fire: We all know the scenario where a criticism or complaint is thrown out, the response being more hostility, and so on, until its a free-for-all that includes ancient history from arguments past. An escalating, major altercation cannot simply be shut down like an out-of-control video game, but keeps accelerating. Strategies for calming out-of-control "fires" include softening your tone, becoming aware of areas of agreement, focusing on the positive and "holding that emotion," which basically means refraining from escalating into a higher gear with hurtful comments.

Withdrawal and Avoidance: Men are more likely to withdraw from and not deal with a complaint than women are, and this sends a dismissive message to women that makes them very irritated. Women object to avoidance because discussing an issue makes them feel better, even though the issue may not be resolved. Men avoid and withdraw for understandable biological reasons but these behaviors fuel the fire of conflict with the women in their lives.

Negative Interpretation: Assigning unintended negative meaning to things a spouse does or doesnt say can incite major conflict that can ramp up quickly, because each partner is responding to something that was neither said nor intended. Clarifying one's meaning and active listening will help cut this out.

Finger Pointing: This is the classic criticizing that demands a response, which turns into defensiveness and more blame. The effective technique is to use I statements that refer to personal perception rather than accusing the other person. The most important element of a conflict is how its resolved or "patched up" when a fight is concluded. Both men and women must decide whether being right is more important than preserving a happy marriage. Among newly married couples that could not patch things up after a fight, the divorce rate was 90 %, versus an 84% successful marriage rate of those who managed to come to an understanding.

Couples can have fun experimenting with many different strategies to restore harmony after a fight; this puts the conflict behind them so they can move past that and focus on the aim of enjoying a happy marriage.

Sheena Berg enjoys writing articles for the StepHeroes step parenting advice newsletter at To discover more about happily married men, there's no substitute for reading "The Secrets of Happily Married Men" by Scott Haltzman, M.D. (See our video review at http://www.youtube.com/user/blendedfamilynews).

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Why Dating Is Healthy For All Of Us

2009-01-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

Dating is one of those topics that really never goes out of season or fashion. There are so many inquiries that come up when dating is mentioned. First, it is vital to understand what it is and, the various dynamics you are bound to encounter. In every person, there is an innate need to be loved and appreciated. For this reason, many are constantly searching for that fulfillment that is usually stretched beyond physical relations. The need for companionship is a great force which many seldom escape.

Therefore, dating has been a major part our lives since man came to be. Different cultures have their own unique systems to date. Infarct, major differences can be observed in the numerous cultures of the world but, the ultimate goal is the same. A lot has happened in the modern days and, old practices and methods of working a date are slowly rooting out. The Internet has brought a major revolution and, in so many ways, it is no longer the way it once was.

Today, people have been seen to date younger than in past generations. This is because of the great awareness and easy access tools like the Internet. It is of paramount importance to have an idea of what to expect before you hit the dating scene. You must know what you consider romantic and appealing so that you can find a suitable companion. There are many tips you need to keep in mind when you are considering this. Many people have gone about it the wrong way and have hit major stumbling blocks. Therefore, you need to be empowered on the topic.

The first tip is to open your eyes and learn from others. Chances are that around you there is a person who knows how to communicate well with the opposite sex. Through observation, adapt some of the tricks and, they are sure to keep you ahead. Another vital thing that people often overlook is personal grooming. You need to make a good impression to the person you wish to date. Nothing beats a clean look. Guys should especially know that girls really appreciate boys who show some clean initiative.

Employing some confidence in yourself works very well. Why would anyone want to date someone who is not sure of themselves? Above all, you need to be yourself. This means that you might apply some borrowed tricks but, maintain your traits and personality. Some people think too much when it comes to dating and miss out on the important stuff. There is great pleasure when you allow a spontaneous flow of events. This does not means that you ignore vital issues like safe sex. Many have had too much fun in expense of their safety. Sex is a major factor to consider when you are about to date. You might be for the idea or you might be against it. The important thing is to know what you want. Then you need to take the initiative to ensure that certain harmful implications of sexual relations are prevented. This is if you decide to have it.

Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest ProjectDating Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Dating

Shopping For Bridal Shoes

2009-01-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

Buying Bridal shoes is an important purchase, many would say just as important as the rest of the clothing purchases made for the big day. The first thing you will need to decide is when to buy the shoes - Before buying the dress or after buying the dress.

Some people will say that bridal shoes are essential and they need to be bought before buying the wedding gown.The question that needs to be answered is this: if you do not buy the shoes beforehand how will you be able to measure the length of the gown without your bridal shoes on?

Other people suggest that you need to match the color and perhaps the style of your shoes to your dress and therefore you need to buy the dress first. After all the dress is the more important purchase isn't it? Most people will remember the dress, not to mention that it will be highlighted in the pictures, but how many people will remember the shoes?

If you do choose to match the shoes to the dress and not the other way around it should not be too difficult. White satin, which is what a lot of wedding shoes are made out of, is dyeable. Dyeable shoes can be dyed to match your dress perfectly.

Perhaps you will not even need to worry about dying the shoes as white wedding shoes are the most popular choice for brides today. Of course the reasoning is pretty obvious, most women opt for a white or off-white bridal gown and white shoes are the perfect complement to the gown

Now what kind of shoes do you need? Wedding shoes are far, trickier to shop for then other shoes. You need to remember that these will be worn for your wedding and reception as well as everything in between, including posing for pictures in places that may demand a level of comfort in your feet. Stilettos may not appropriate as you may become uncomfortable during the event. However, sandals may also have the same reasoning behind them, or perhaps they are not fancy enough for the occasion. Remember to consider your comfort level, how you want to look, and the type of wedding you are having (there is a difference between a beach wedding and a fairytale occasions with a ball gown and a wedding party of 24) and balance all of those variables to decide the shoe which is right for you.

When planning a wedding time is certainly a concern. There are so many things that need to get done in such a short period. If you are planning on shopping for shoes online, or even just window browsing, I recommend that you take the time to stop by a specialty shoe store to have your feet measured to be sure of your correct size. Hey while you are there you can buy some shoes! You can never have enough shoes and you should treat yourself often during the planning stage, a lot of work is involved.

Finally, as I touched upon before, your comfort level is very important during the wedding and reception. With this in mind be sure to buy comfortable wedding shoes. Not only will you be on your feet most of the time, remember that the gown can also be hard to manage at times. It is a good idea to break in the shoes (indoors only) for a few weeks before the wedding. When walking around your house wear them, walk like you normally do, walk up and down stairs and practice just standing in them. There will be a lot of standing.

Do not forget to have fun shopping. This is yet another part of your wedding day and many people save everything they can from that special occasion, including there shoes. I know I did, mine are in my closet, a daily reminder of a perfect day.

Pamela Kazmierczak runs Our Perfect Wedding Guide , an online guide to everything you need to know about weddings from the engagement through the honeymoon. The website also offers a monthly newsletter which offers free up to date content delivered to your inbox. Planning a wedding is no easy task and Pamela understands this and tries to help anyway she can, including providing easy to understand information about all things related to the big day. Also, Pamela has a selection of places to shop for bridal shoes.

Styles of weddings: from underwater to retro

2009-01-03T03:12:00.000-08:00

Turn your wedding into a extra-ordinary occasion! Depending on what you prefer, ethnic or exotic, extreme or retro, you have the right to make your wedding day a memorable event!

If you want to have a wedding that is truly out of this world, it is actually very simple to achieve! "How?" I hear you ask. Well, all you need to do is to have an alternative style of dress, or to replace the usual Meldenson march with something a little more passionate, such as hard rock music for example! All invited to your wedding will be surprised and it will make your wedding truly unforgettable. If, however, you think that hard rock music is a little too much to bear, then how about putting on one of your favourite songs that is also original and lively?

We conducted a painstaking amount of research into the subject of weddings and uncovered several marriage ceremonies that you could call 'out of the ordinary'. These ceremonies are famous throughout the world for their extravagance and significance. We found 'wild' weddings, 'fairytale' weddings, 'ethnic-style' weddings, 'exotic' weddings, 'retro' weddings or even 'time-machine' wedding and, last but not least, 'art-style' weddings. In the next few paragraphs, we will take you on a guided tour of these weddings and give you a report on the types of weddings that are out there for you to enjoy.

Wild weddings

We shall begin with the 'wild' wedding. This type of wedding requires you to be extremely brave, to cast away your inhibitions and to simply revel in the rush of adrenaline. The 'wild' wedding really does lives up to its name - it is so flamboyant and extreme! If you want your wedding to be in this style, you need bags of energy to be able to really let off steam and to party!

To be specific, a 'wild' wedding is not a standard marriage ceremony; it is an exuberant fantasy which brings with it a tide of pleasure. So, how does one achieve a wedding such as this? Well, you need to think about how you can make alterations to the typical wedding scenario. In place of a bouquet you could carry a wreath, for example, you could wear Gothic attire instead of a wedding dress or hire unusual transport like a fast, sports car. How about organising a banquet on a quiet country lane or in a surgery? You could add to the fantasy of the occasion by incorporating alternative pranks into the ceremony. For two whole days you and your guests will be kept amused! Needless to say, that in the wild-wedding the main requirement is to be really unusual! The idea of fantasy is to know no boundaries or inhibitions! Use this as a basis for your own 'wild' wedding!

Fairytale weddings

The next type of alternative wedding is the 'fairytale' wedding. As you can probably guess, dear readers, fairytale weddings are weddings that, yes you guessed it, are based on fairytales! Fairytale weddings are typically based on fairytales such as "Cinderella" or "Sleeping Beauty." The dresses will be reminiscent of fairytale dresses and the heroes of the fairytales will always be present at your ceremony. These fairytale personages make for brilliant entourage. If you choose to be a Cinderella on your big day, then you will need a fairy godmother, a king and even some ugly sisters! Of course, you must have a wicked stepmother too. The crux of the occasion is the Ball, to which you will invite your 'handsome prince' - the groom. The celebrations end at midnight at which time a pumpkin-style carriage will draw up and whisk you away!

Ethnic weddings

The next type of wedding is the 'ethnic-style' wedding. 'Ethnic style' essentially means national style. Ok, so what does this mean you ask yourselves? Put simply, if you choose to have a wedding in ethnic style, then the guests, the groom, the bride and the caterers must all be dressed in national costume. The entertainment at this type of wedding is in the form of rituals, customs and observations of traditional, national ways. Revive old traditions from food to old elegant clothing. This ancient atmosphere will create time-machine wonders - it will take you and your guests centuries back; as though you were one of your ancestors! This type of wedding can be carried out in the style of your own country's traditions, or it can be in the style of another country's traditions. Whichever you choose, you will feel like a true national!

Exotic weddings

The next type of alternative wedding is the 'exotic' wedding. An 'exotic' wedding is similar to a wild wedding. But where at the wild wedding you can be elaborate with your dreams, at an exotic wedding you can incorporate your hobbies. If you love parachute jumping, then go ahead! If you like motorcycles, then no problem! Tie some tins-cans to a Vampire and off you go! Just make sure you have a courtege for the motorcycles. The bride can be dressed in white leathers with a bandana on her head in place of a veil. The groom can wear tight-fitting, black trousers instead of a morning suit and a necktie. A bride and groom on a motorcycle with tin-cans attached to the back, What a sight to behold!

Underwater weddings

Have you ever heard of an underwater wedding? Well, this style of wedding is a type of exotic wedding! The couple's first kiss is underwater as well as the exchanging of the rings and even the signing of the register! To make the occasion even more exotic, you could have the ceremony on a desert island. Although whether you can call it a desert island after you have planned your wedding on it remains to be seen!

Retro weddings

The next alternative wedding is the 'retro-style' wedding. This style is in keeping with the period of the '60s to the '90s. What can we say about this type of wedding? Well, the traditions, the music and the attire all are reminiscent of this period. The bride and the groom wear clothing that is typical of the time and the music and customs also conform to the period. Traditional and splendid styles characterise retro type.'

Body-paintings: art-style wedding

The final, alternative-style wedding is the 'art-style' wedding. This is a totally new experience and one has to be brave to adopt this style of wedding! Art-style involves decorating the body with special paints. Art style is contemporary in its design. The wedding attire consists of very unusual body paintings that can be almost anything depends on your taste and fantasy. Just imagine!

Eastern Touch

Influenced by an eastern tradition called mehendi to decorate bride's palms, feet. In Western variations it expands to back and shoulders. Imagine, a bride, with beautifully decorated hands, feet, shoulders and back, wearing open wedding clothes to demonstrate this artistic design.

Of course, to have this type of wedding it is also extreme. It is a very amusing way to enjoy the wedding. To put it simply, if you are a creative person who is not afraid of anything and anyone, then why not go for it?

Lilia is a wedding expert and loves to share extra-ordinary ideas on how to make your wedding a perfect entry to Guiness book of Records =>

Factors that encourages happiness in marriage

2009-01-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

Factors that encourages happiness in marriage

Happiness in marriage is a prerequisite to all round prosperity in a family. Happiness is a spirit, sadness and gloom is also a spirit. Whichever is present in your home determines the atmosphere that surrounds your house. The atmosphere you permit around your house determines what you attract into your family.

I have not ceased to wonder, whenever I see couples complaining of certain misfortunes that befall them. If you dig into the root of the matter you will always find out that it is traceable to a very negative atmosphere that the couple unwittingly permitted in their home.

I have pulled together 3 important tips, which I believe can help you improve the seemingly-impossible-task of establishing happiness in your marriage.

A united purpose: a united purpose is one undisputed key to a happy marriage. The key word in marriage is unity and oneness. If couples have purposes that are diametrically opposed to one another or visions that is "at cross- purpose" with each other, know that joy and happiness will be elusive in that family.

Faithfulness: Faithfulness is a vital key to a happy and joy-filled home. Faithfulness to your marriage vows, faithfulness in your dealings in and out of the home.

Transparency: Means you have nothing to hide from your spouse. Ask yourself this question; if my spouse where to find out a matter from a third party concerning you, would he or she be surprised or shocked. Openness as a key to happiness in marriage have never failed and I believe shall never fail.

Commitment: The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose, the act of binding yourself (spiritually or emotionally) to the course of your marriage. If you sincerely commit yourself to values that encourages happiness in a marital affair, I can assure you that your marriage will be loaded with blissful testimonies.

Sacrifice: The act of losing or surrendering something important to you as a price in order to gain an objective. I got married to my beautiful wife Becky about 9 years ago, as I look back to those years I can recollect how on several occasions how I had to give up things that were dear to me before my marriage, because I desired joy and happiness in my house.

Show me a man/woman who is excited with his job, business, trade or any kind of vocation and I will show you a man who is happy at home. Our lives at home almost invariably affect our lives outside.

To your success.

You can have access to other informative and impactful articles at

Why so much Money for 15 Minutes of Work?

2009-01-02T03:12:00.001-08:00

I was flabbergasted to receive an email the other day, chastising me for our $369 Classic Custom ceremony fee. According the writer's calculations, the fee for a "15 minute ceremony" resulted in us obtaining the astronomical hourly rate of $1,476! Wowza! If that were true, I'd be writing this article from my summer mansion on the shores of the Mediterranean while my cabana boy massaged my tootsies!

Couples often have to rein in their wedding day festivities to accommodate their budget. And make no mistake about it--the wedding business is a multi-billion dollar industry with the average cost of a wedding hovering above $30,000. A professional job well done is worth a fair price, however, and it seems our unhappy writer above was unaware of the time, work and expense put forth by a high-quality officiant.

So, if you've been secretly wondering why the rate for some officiants seems high for the amount of time it takes to deliver your ceremony, let me clarify things.. First of all, let's look at the actual time that is included:

· Most custom ceremonies do not last 15 minutes as our friend suggested, but closer to 30 minutes.

· Officiants generally arrive up to 30 minutes prior to the ceremony to facilitate last minute coordination, and stay an additional 15-20 minutes after the completion of the ceremony to sign the license, congratulate the couple and pose for photos.

· The initial getting acquainted meeting lasts 45 minutes to an hour.

· It takes an hour to write the ceremony.

· Driving time to and from the ceremony must be included.

· There is generally an additional 30-45 minutes of email time during the course of our pre-ceremony relationship to answer questions. We advise couples on everything from marriage licenses to the name charge process to wedding etiquette.

So, factoring in the above actually brings our "15 Minute Ceremony" up to 5 hours of time on the part of the officiant.

Still, our frugal friend might howl that brings us to an hourly average of $74--unjustifiable to many. So, let's take the following expenses into account.

· How did our fine fellow find us? Through one of the wedding sites upon which we advertise. This does not come for free. Nor does our website that we pay to design, maintain and host in order to give prospective clients complete information on our services as well as access to other helpful resources.

· Add in the cost of gasoline, car insurance and maintenance to get us to the ceremony on time (always a plus!)

· Office expenses, ministerial vestments, binders, phone costs, bank fees, postage, business taxes, membership dues, paper, ink, postage and that fancy black pen that you get to use to sign your license!

All of this is difficult to quantify and will vary from officiant to officiant. And of course, the cost needs to be spread across all of the bookings that an officiant acquires in any given month. Let's take a conservative estimate and say that the above costs average approximately $30 per wedding booked.

This brings us down to a more respectable $44 per hour. But wait! We have forgotten to include the wedding resources to which each couple has access in order to write their ceremony. Most officiants who've been writing ceremonies for years have compiled a vast wealth of options for vows, blessings, readings, etc, as well as some great creative ideas for use in the ceremony. Value? Well, we sell our ceremony resources, for $50, so let's assume that is a safe bet. Lopping that off the top of the original $369 brings our officiant's hourly rate down to a more reasonable $34.00 per hour.

Now, our fine fellow could certainly have his best friend, Bud obtain a quickie online ordination and perform the wedding ceremony for the compensation of a six-pack.. That would be one way to save the cost of an officiant and is a viable option for many. However, before you go call up the Bud-ster, you might want to think about what comes with that $34.00 per hour fee.

A professional wedding officiant is going to be able to handle anything that comes along on the day of the wedding. It's not as simple as showing up and reading the script. Consider the following mishaps that have happened to couples whom I've wed: microphones die during the ceremony, bridal party members faint, ex-spouses feud (openly!), brides and grooms cry uncontrollably during their vows, flower girls get stung by bees, Dads need reassurance, lines get flubbed by the bride and groom, the ring bearer throws up on his way down the aisle. A thunderstorm unleashes halfway through the ceremony, Unity Candles won't light. It goes on and on.

And then there are the last minute details--coordinating with the music providers, the photographer and the venue staff. Bridal party members need to be lined up and inevitably some key person is in the bathroom come ceremony start time. Is the Unity Candle lighter in place? Where are the roses for the rose ceremony? They were forgotten? No problem, the officiant plucks some out of a centerpiece and saves the day. Does the best man have the rings? Oh dear! The reader forgot her reading--good thing the officiant has an extra copy. Who has the marriage license? Which side is the bride's side and which is the groom's? The FOB (father of bride) is MIA. Oh, there he is--on the balcony having a cigarette with his girlfriend (who by the way can't stand the ex and refuses to sit in the same row). The bride, starting to stress, turns to her officiant, who offers her a reassuring smile. All is well.

The ceremony is filled with wonderfully creative ideas that the officiant has provided. It is delivered by a proficient public speaker who projects loudly enough for even those in the back row to hear. Along the way, the officiant has offered support, guidance, and encouragement. A professional wedding officiant is equal parts emcee, etiquette advisor, coordinator, script-writer, organizer, frayed nerve-soother and legal resource.

The wedding officiant is one of the lowest wedding vendor fees that a couple will pay, yet having a bad one can ruin what should be the couple's most special day. While we respect the right of each couple to prioritize their wedding spending, it is always surprising when a couple spends copious amounts of money on things like cake, cutesy favors and limousine, only to seek a bare bones ceremony--which is the heart of the wedding day. Down the road, I think you will want to remember the words of commitment you spoke as being meaningful and poignant as opposed to how yummy your cake was or that you had an open bar at the reception.

Beware the officiant who charges a ridiculously low fee, does not require a deposit or doesn't issue a contract. I can't tell you how many calls we get from panicked prides because their "professional" wedding officiant backed out of the wedding a week before. If you haven't given them money and signed a contract, then the deal is not sealed.

Here's the bottom line: expect to pay a fair price for a professional service. Then, sit back and allow your that upon which you will look back and smile about for many years to come! officiant to show you how to create a wedding ceremony

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Things to Consider in Choosing Your Wedding Officiant

2009-01-01T19:12:00.001-08:00

Choosing a ceremony officiant for your big day can be a daunting task. If you are getting married in your church or synagogue, the decision is simple.--you take what they give you, usually. But maybe you don't belong to a church yet want a heartfelt ceremony that expresses your personal beliefs. If you are like many brides- and grooms-to-be, you are looking for creative alternatives to the traditional cookie-cutter ceremony.

You deserve to have your ceremony be like no other and to develop a warm and personal relationship with your officiant. With the popularity of out-of-church-weddings, many people are hanging out their shingles calling themselves "wedding officiants". Beware, for you don't want an amateur handling this aspect of your big day. If the florist or photographer doesn't show, it is unfortunate, but the day can go on. If your officiant doesn't show--you've got BIG trouble. Ask some of your recently married friends for recommendations. Or, type in the name of your state or city followed by wedding officiant (e.g. Colorado wedding officiant) into a search engine and you'll get a bunch of hits. Look for someone with an established presence, who issues contracts and has a fairly sophisticated website. These are good clues that the person or business is stable and will be around for your big day. Then follow these guidelines when you meet with a prospective celebrant.

1) When you meet with him or her (or chat on the phone) do they exude a calming presence? Does their energy fit in with what you are seeking for your ceremony? Do they come across as being passionate about performing weddings? Are they interested in hearing your story? If you find yourself smiling, or nodding in agreement as the officiant speaks to you, that's a good indication that your wedding ceremony will be one that you will happily remember for many years.

2) Will he or she help you to craft a ceremony without restrictions--including all of your ideas?

3) Are they thorough and easy to understand in explaining the ceremony-writing process to you? Are you clear on how it all works, the booking procedure, how many meetings you will have together, timelines, etc? You will want an officiant who explains things easily and clearly so there will be no confusion on your wedding day.

4) Does the officiant view your wedding ceremony as the heart of your wedding day--a celebration as opposed to merely a prescribed ritual?

5) Does the officiant honor all spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) and view their primary role as that of facilitator of your ceremony?

6) Is he or she adventurous of spirit and willing to try unconventional things? Ask them to recount an example or two of creative touches they have incorporated into ceremonies.

7) Is he or she a proficient writer and a dynamic speaker? Is their speaking voice pleasing to the ear and free from pauses, "ums" and irritating phrases such as "you know," "like," and "OK."

8) Is the officiant a one-man/woman show or is he or she part of a group? If they are solo, do they have a backup in case of an emergency?

9) Do they offer more than one level of service in order to accommodate your needs and budget or is it "one size fits all?"

10) Do they have a wealth of written options for you to include in your ceremony?

11) What are their pre-marital counseling requirements, if any?

12) Is their fee in writing? What extra charges, if any, could possibly apply over and above the original fee? Are the payment terms reasonable to you?

13) Is there pressure to upgrade to a more expensive level of service (perhaps including things you don't need)? Do they try to get you to book on the spot, telling you that they may not be available for your date unless you book immediately? Or do they give you the opportunity to go home, discuss it and get back to them?

14) Is he or she a professional wedding ceremony officiant, or is officiating ceremonies his or her sideline business? Are they ceremony experts or do they divert their attention to other wedding services? You don't want your officiant also serving as your DJ or your bartender, do you?

15) How long have they been in business? Do they have a written contract? What are the contract terms?

16) Is he or she willing to give you the benefit of his or her experience of what has worked and not worked in the past, and then leave the final decision up to you?

17) Are they knowledgeable about their state's marriage license procedures and do they advise you on the process of obtaining your license?

18) Most of all, what does your gut tell you when you talk with this person? If it feels right, then you've probably found the best fit for you.

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Don't Be a Bridezilla!

2009-01-01T11:12:00.001-08:00

Whether you are well underway in your wedding planning, or taking a more laid-back (translated "procrastination") approach, you have many decisions to make in the upcoming months. Planning your wedding can be a challenging as well as exhilarating time and it's certainly exciting to think about being Queen (or King) for a day.

However, that in no way gives you the right to be intolerable during the wedding planning process. (So says I). It's for your own good. You're a decent person at heart (why else would you have found the love of your life?) and you don't want to look back at your behavior after the wedding (when you're sane again) and remember how awfully you treated others.

So here are my 10 Commandments to avoid Bridezilla Syndrome.

1. Your wedding party members probably have a budget. While they are honored to be a part of your special day, they may not have the cash to afford a $200 bridesmaid's dress, matching shoes, jewelry, a wedding gift, transportation if they live out of town and a girl's day at the spa. Talk with each of them and determine what they can swing. And don't be adamant about everything being the same (can you spell b-o-r-i-n-g?). Be considerate by allowing each of them to select their own attire in a consistent color or pattern. Same goes for the guys--they don't have to be in tuxes.

2. If your parents are paying for the wedding, they have a right to have input. If you don't like their suggestions and they are firm, then you'll need to find other funds besides the Bank of Mom and Dad. Accept this fact and smile. Some couples have to pay for the entire wedding themselves, so count your blessings.

3. Being the star of the show and being exhausted prior to the wedding day does not give you the right to forget basic manners. Being late to appointments with vendors, being unreasonably demanding, and adding unnecessary drama to the wedding-planning process is inexcusable. Speaking of being late, don't start your ceremony any later than 10 minutes after the time on the invitations. Yes, you deserve to look amazing when you make your grand entrance, but your guests made an effort to be there on time and they shouldn't be kept waiting (especially outside on a hot summer day). Plan to be ready--totally ready-- 45 minutes prior to the ceremony so you can enter looking radiant and calm and most un-Bridezilla-like.

4. Keep in mind that this day is supposed to be a celebration of your love--not a theatrical performance of epic proportion!

5. Stay within your budget. It will do a world of good in keeping you sane during the planning process.

6. Remember what brought you to this day. You love each other and enjoy each other's company. Take breaks from the wedding planning process to have dates. Relax and enjoy being an engaged couple.

7. Thank each and every guest for coming to your wedding. If there is no receiving line, then make it a point to talk with every guest at the reception.

8. Send out your thank-you notes within a month of the wedding. Don't fall into the myth of wedding etiquette saying you have up to a year to write your thank-yous. That's a bunch of hooey! More than that--waiting a year gives the impression that you don't place much value on the time and expense your guests went to in order to give you a gift. After all, they didn't give you the gift a year after your wedding, did they?

9. Remember that you want your wedding day to be fun and enjoyable, which doesn't mean it has to be perfect. If your maid of honor shows up with blue hair, your cousin steals your thunder by announcing her pregnancy (with twins!) during the reception, or your Aunt Mildred drinks too much and passes out in her smoked salmon, remember that these incidents are no reflection on you. If you pitch a hissy fit, however, you're done for!

10. If, in spite of it all, you lapse into Bridezilla behavior, then suck it up, apologize, laugh at yourself and move on.

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Memorializing Deceased Family Members in Your Wedding Ceremony

2009-01-01T03:12:00.001-08:00

Your wedding day can be a bittersweet celebration if you've lost a parent or other close family member. While on the one hand, you're thrilled to be proclaiming your love and commitment before your family and friends, you can't help but be saddened that it's not your father's arm upon which you'll be walking down the aisle or that the place of honor for the groom's mother is conspicuously vacant.

Whether your family member has recently passed away or it has been many years, the void is felt on this day more so than any other. How do you honor these family members while balancing the joy of your wedding celebration? Here are some tips on how to incorporate the memory of your loved ones without turning your wedding ceremony into a funereal experience.

Be sure to discuss your wishes with three very important people--your fiancé(e), any surviving spouses of the deceased, and your officiant. You will want to let your fiancé(e) know to what depth you want your deceased family member mentioned in the ceremony. Be sure you are both on the same page in your comfort level with this. Bear in mind that this is also a difficult time for the surviving spouse. You'll want to ascertain their comfort level with whatever honorarium you elect to incorporate. And lastly, use your officiant as a resource. He or she has done this a time or two and can make suggestions as to how to tactfully memorialize your loved one. Your officiant should also be alerted to the fact that the wedding day will be a difficult time for certain family members and he or she can assist by extending comfort and support where needed.

It might be easier for you to honor your loved one at the rehearsal dinner than on the day of the wedding itself. Since it is customary for the bride and groom to toast their parents at this dinner, it would be a natural extension to say a few words in tribute to your deceased family member. The rehearsal dinner will have less people than the wedding so it might increase your comfort level in speaking about such an emotional occurrence. Also, it is likely that your closest friends and family will be in attendance at the rehearsal dinner, making an emotionally intimate moment all the more meaningful.

If you'd rather include a memorial on the wedding day itself, consider the following options.

Place some words of tribute into your program.

Have an empty chair in remembrance of your family member. The bride or groom may place a rose on the chair as they pass, in silent tribute.

In response to the question, "Who gives Bride in marriage?" the response might be, "In memory of her mother (father), I do."

The bride might want to carry a memento of her loved one--a handkerchief, a piece of jewelry, or a small photography tucked into her bouquet.

After welcoming the guests, your officiant may add words saying, "Before we begin our celebration today, Bride and Groom would like us all to take a moment to remember those family members who can be with them today solely in spirit, especially (insert names).

Include a photo of the deceased family member on the altar or unity candle table.

Have a memorial candle which the bride or groom (or both) will light at the start of the ceremony.

Compile a floral centerpiece. Have a vase on the altar, or at the back of the ceremony site. Give each guest a flower as they enter and have them place it in the vase. During the ceremony, one last flower can be placed in the vase in memory of the deceased family member. As a final symbolic gesture, the bride and groom can each insert a red rose into the center of the arrangement, signifying them being surrounded by the love and support of their family and friends. The arrangement can be used to decorate the head table or in another location at the reception.

Have a song or reading at the ceremony and dedicate it to your deceased love one.

At the reception, if the deceased was either the groom's mother or the bride's father, the bride or groom can dance the "parent's dance" with another partner, but dedicate that special dance in memory of their parent.

If you have a blessing said prior to the meal, the minister can incorporate a few words about the deceased.

However you decide to memorialize your loved one, remember that it is an intensely personal decision and there is no right or wrong way. What matters is your comfort level. Expect that your wedding day will be a roller coaster of emotions (it is for everyone, regardless of whether or not they've experienced the death of a family member).and be gentle with yourself and each other. And remember that you and your new spouse will have a very special guardian angel looking over for you as you enter your married life together.

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Go Ahead and Laugh

2008-12-31T19:12:00.001-08:00

Humor can get us through some very sticky moments. Picture the following scenario: The beautiful bride descending the staircase with her beaming father to the hushed awe of her guests. Such a poignant moment. She's so elegant, so poised, so radiant until her heel catches on the step and she tumbles, landing on her backside and unceremoniously bumping down several steps with all the grace of the proverbial bull--and a drunken one at that--in a china shop.

There is a massive intake of breath from the crowd. Dad hovers protectively, assessing for broken bones. The string quartet keeps playing, uncertain of what else to do. The groom instinctively begins to walk toward his blushing (more like crimson) bride. Seconds later, however, the bride has risen to her feet, scanned the crowd and upon settling her gaze on her distraught husband to be, looks him straight in the eye and says "No, honey, I'm not chewing gum!"

The crowd bursts into uproarious laughter and many begin to applaud. Relieved, the groom returns to his spot at the front. Dad extends his arm and with a flourish, the bride tucks her hand into its protective crook and continues down the staircase. She's hardly missed a beat. Now, this is a gal with class! Once again, humor has saved the day.

In days past, the idea of incorporating humor into a marriage ceremony was considered a sacrilege. Most weddings were held in churches or the judge's chambers--neither of which is generally considered a place of fun. The closest thing to humor might have been a grin as the flower girl made her halting way down the aisle, or a stifled giggle by the cousins as Uncle Harry dozed off in the back pew. Weddings were more about ritual than celebration and there was no tolerance for silliness. Marriage was serious business! Perhaps a guffaw or two could be permissible at the reception, but at the ceremony? Never!

Thank heavens those days are past and couples now have options to customize every facet of their ceremony to reflect their personalities. And since most of us thrive on humor, there's no reason to leave it out of the ceremony. Now, I'm not talking about turning your officiant into a stand-up comedian; we certainly don't want to detract from the significance of this special day. I am talking about infusing your ceremony with some lightness and playfulness that will leave you relaxed, your guests energized and conclude with you feeling, "Wow! That was really "us!"

It's difficult to script humor. More often than not, the opportunities simply present themselves (although hopefully not the one described above). An experienced and creative officiant will always be on the alert for such opportunities and should incorporate them into the ceremony. I always arrive for the wedding 20-30 minutes early so that I can spend a few minutes mingling with guests. What they don't realize is that I am shamefacedly eavesdropping for little tidbits of information that I can share in the ceremony (without embarrassing anyone). Even though I've gotten to know the bride and groom over the months of their wedding planning, I generally obtain my best material from the guests.

You can assist your officiant by telling him or her some amusing stories about your courtship. Did he propose in a creative way? Does she have an unusual pet peeve? How did you meet? What makes you laugh together? What passions do you share? How did that first meeting with her parents go? There are many possibilities if you stop to think about it.

If your officiant just doesn't get it, then there are other ways you can incorporate humor (starting by firing your officiant, but that's another article). Here are ideas that I've seen other couples work into their ceremony with great success.

Have each member of the bridal party be introduced as they start down the aisle. You can have an announcer say something like, "introducing Jason, the best friend and college roommate of the groom. Jason has known Groom for 10 years and is eternally grateful to Bride for taming Groom's wild side and helping him calm down. Without her, Groom never would have passed Western Civ." This not only allows for a fun opening, but it gives the guests some knowledge of just who your bridal party members are. You can end with the bride by saying, "And now, please stand for our bride, introduced for the last time as Ms. (First name) (Maiden name).

Consider a funny reading as opposed (or in addition) to a Biblical or serious one. Dr. Seuss's "Oh the Places You'll Go" is fun and appropriate for a wedding.

Include an amusing line in your vows. There's nothing wrong with promising to love him unconditionally, to vow to comfort you when his team loses and drink beer with him when they win. From his end, he can vow to spend the rest of his days making her happy and promise to always put the seat down, replace the toilet tissue roll and bring her flowers once per month. Although I'd refrain from using a vow that is being circulated on the internet, "May all of our ups and downs come only in the bedroom." Try that one in front of 150 relatives and the loud thump you hear will be both of your mothers hitting the ground in simultaneous dead faints.

If amusing vows aren't your thing, then write or adapt a blessing that your officiant or a family can read that includes a funny line. Consider something like this for a couple of diehard sports fans:

May your joys be as bright as the morning, your years of happiness as numerous as the stars in the heavens, and your troubles but shadows that fade in the sunlight of love.

And may the only time your home be divided be when the Red Sox and the Rockies play in the World Series. (Insert a line to suit your own situation.)

Think about adding some of the following amusing quotes on love and marriage:

"Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end." - Anonymous

"Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open." George Bernard Shaw

"Three things can't be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love." - Yiddish proverb "No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying." - Unknown "A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it." - Don Fraser

"Love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity." George Bernard Shaw

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Lord Byron

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." Robert Frost

And my personal favorite:

"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia." Judith Viorst

However you decide to incorporate it, humor can be an integral part of your wedding ceremony. Make it fun, make it light, make it about who you are as a couple. Just don't make it about a priest, a rabbi and a minister going into a bar!

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Conduct Your Own Wedding Rehearsal

2008-12-31T03:12:00.001-08:00

One thing that can substantially raise the fee charged by your wedding officiant is the need to have him or her present at your rehearsal. This is a justifiable expense, for oftentimes the officiant is giving up the chance to perform another wedding during the time that he or she is conducting your rehearsal. It is often an expense that the bride and groom don't need to incur however, for it's pretty easy to facilitate a rehearsal without having your officiant in attendance.

Running your own wedding rehearsal may seem a daunting task, especially if you don't think you are the "manager" type. However, there are some simple steps you can do to make it a breeze. First of all, it is assumed that you have worked with your officiant and have received a written script of your ceremony. (If you haven't, then you don't know what is going to be said on the most important day of your life, so I recommend you find another officiant fast!) So, armed with your trusty wedding script, follow the steps below and you'll have a practice session that runs smoothly (and get everyone to the rehearsal dinner in less than 45 minutes)!

If you are having your ceremony at the same site as your reception, then the site might provide you with a coordinator to run your rehearsal at no additional charge. These folks are invaluable-they know their venue and how things flow smoothly. Rely on them-they might even run the rehearsal for you if you give them the script.

It's better for you to turn the management of the rehearsal over to a friend or relative who is, quite frankly, just a tad bossy. Choose someone who is assertive enough to get folks to pay attention, but not so overbearing as to be off-putting to your wedding party members.

1. Start in the middle. Line up your entire wedding party exactly where they will stand during the ceremony. As the audience sees you, men should be on the right, women on the left. Next to the groom should be his best man and next to the bride will be her maid of honor. Bridesmaids will stand to the left of the maid of honor with groomsmen to the right of the best man. Wedding party members should angle their bodies slightly so that they are facing toward the bride and groom. Those on the outside should step forward, if possible, so that the wedding party forms a "V" with the bride and groom in the middle. Have someone who is not in the wedding view the lineup from the back of the room to see if everyone is centered and evenly spaced. If you want to be really precise and your venue allows it, you can place tape on the floor to mark the place.

2. Go through the ceremony headings only. It's not necessary to read over the entire ceremony-save that excitement for the big day. Your officiant will take over for that part anyway, so just run through the various parts by heading. Things to watch for: determine who will have the rings and how they will be presented to the officiant, establish the parts in the ceremony when the bride and groom face the officiant, face each other, or turn toward guests, if there are ceremony "props" such as roses you will present to your parents, make sure you know where they will be during the ceremony.

If you're really nervous about speaking in public, you may want to practice your vows at the rehearsal. If you have readers or singers, they might want to practice their piece as well.

3. Practice the recessional After the kiss, the bride will get her bouquet from the maid of honor and bride and groom will face their guests. Often at this time, the officiant will introduce you as Mr. & Mrs. for the first time, then the recessional music strikes up and off you go! Best man and maid of honor will wait until the bride and groom are at the back of the room and then the best man will extend his right arm to the maid of honor and they will walk out together. Subsequent couples should stay put until it is their turn to leave (in other words, don't do the "inching into the center" shuffle-just wait.) Select an agreed-upon distance whereby each couple will exit (for example: when the couple in front gets to the fifth row of chairs, then the next couple goes, etc.). In this manner, each couple will leave in uniform fashion, without bunching up. After the last couple exits, the parents and any people sitting in the front row should immediately follow.

4. Practice the processional last. Now that everyone knows where to stand when they are up in the front, the processional should be a piece of cake. By now, you will have determined who will be in the processional and in what order, so simply line people up accordingly. (Hopefully, it's on your script!). Then, start walking. As you did for the recessional, pick a spot at which each couple or person will begin walking (e.g. when the first bridesmaid gets to the front row, the second should begin walking, and when the second gal gets to that same spot, the third gal will go, etc.). That way no one bunches up like Keystone Cops!

The bride and her escort (if there is one) should not enter until the entire wedding party is at the front. Generally, the bride will have a separate piece of music than the rest of the wedding party, so that's a good clue as to when to start walking. Also, the officiant will have everyone stand for the bride, so that's when it's time to make the grand entrance.

5. The hand off. This is the trickiest part and if you don't practice it, it will look awkward, so pay attention. As the bride comes down the aisle, she will be on her father's left arm. When it's time for dad to be seated, bride should kiss dad good-bye. Dad will then walk behind the bride to his seat. (Don't step on that train, Dad!). Bride should hand her flowers to her maid of honor with her left hand. Groom should extend his left hand to the bride, who will take it with her right hand. He will then "draw her in" to face the officiant. Try it-it's very fluid once you practice it. At this time, the maid of honor can hand both sets of flowers to the next bridesmaid in line and fix the bride's train if needed.

In the case where both parents escort the bride, decide at the rehearsal which parent the bride will kiss first (otherwise you look like a ping-pong ball as you hover indecisively). Mom should turn around and walk to her seat (she'll be seated in the front row on the bride's side) and Dad will proceed to his seat as outlined above.

6. The Summary. Walk through the recessional and processional one more time and you're done. And don't get stressed if your groomsmen are clowning around and only half paying attention or your maid of honor is pouting because she can't be escorted by her boyfriend. . Everyone always seems to come through on the big day!

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

We're not religious but my parents are. Help!

2008-12-30T19:12:00.001-08:00

One of the stresses that many couples face in planning their wedding ceremony is when their religious beliefs (or lack thereof) conflict with those of their parents or grandparents. Gone are the days when the God-fearing children of God-fearing parents stood complacently through cookie-cutter ceremonies performed at the local church in exactly the same way (and in some cases by the same minister!) as their parents before them.

With more and more couples choosing to marry outside of churches and create innovative ceremonies that reflect their own personal love story, it is often a struggle to balance the more traditional religious beliefs of older family members. Some couples go into total black and white mode-either capitulating to their parent's wishes or adopting an "it's our wedding day and we'll do it any way we please" attitude. Both of these are viable options, but I warn you-the former may have you chastising yourselves for years because the ceremony was not "yours," and the latter might cause you to be filled with regret down the road for not showing the slightest respect for your parent's preferences.

For those of you who prefer a middle ground, there are ways in which you can include a religious presence (or as one bride delicately put it, "a nod to a higher power") without compromising your beliefs. Here are some tips:

1. Use the generic word "God" as opposed to more organized-religion type names (such as Jesus, Yahweh, Jehovah, Heavenly Father, etc,). The term "God" can mean different things to different people, so when you and your spouse-to-be hear it in the ceremony you might interpret it as "the spirit of good within us" and while your grandmother has visions of the fire and brimstone Baptist God or the "Father, Son and Holy Spirit" Catholic God. It's all Go(o)d.

2. Plan a ceremony that is primarily secular, but include a slightly religious final blessing. As a bonus, have one of your religious family members read the blessing. It will be an honor. Plus it comes at the end, so it's what will stick in their minds!

3. Add a prayer of thanks to your parents. The officiant can read it and this is a fitting place to insert a God reference.

4. Have your officiant wear a robe that is ministerial in nature. This will send the subtle message that "God is present" without saying a word.

5. Include a traditional religious component to your ceremony, but give it a secular twist. It will have meaning to both you and your folks. For example, the unity candle is a Christian tradition, yet the symbolism of "two lights coming together to form one united flame" is universally poignant no matter which God one worships-or doesn't. Getting married under the Chuppah will placate many Jewish parents. For you, it can simply be a beautiful arch.

6. Put together a ceremony that is all about you, but when you recite your vows, recite the traditional religious ones with which your parents are familiar. If they are too God-like for your taste, then after the vows are exchanged, have your officiant say "and now John and Mary have prepared some special words that they would like to share with one another". Then you can speak from the heart and be as secular as you like.

7. Insert one biblical reading into your ceremony. It can be a beautifully poignant one about love, which will appeal to you, while your folks will resonate with the religious roots.

8. If a reading doesn't fly with you, then try a religious song. If you feel conflicted about the words, then play the melody softly in the background at some point in your ceremony. Your parents will be touched.

9. If you simply can't abide by any mention of God in your ceremony, then keep it secular and consider adding a prayer or scripture passage on the inside cover of your program.

10. If none of the above work for you, then hope (pray?) that someone sneezes during your ceremony, giving a well-intended relative the chance to save the day by calling out "God Bless you!" Hey! Your folks will take it any way they can get it!

If harmonizing two (or more!) religious beliefs seems daunting, here's a tip to make it easier. When you initially sit down to write your ceremony, ignore the preferences of your family members. Work with your officiant to write it exactly as you want it. Then, go back and implement one or two of the suggestions above. Read it over and see how it feels. Your officiant should allow you to tweak the ceremony until it feels right. (That's why it's important to begin the ceremony-writing process at least two months in advance of your wedding day.)

And from a fairness standpoint, if your parents are helping with wedding expenses, don't expect them to foot the bill for the officiant if the ceremony is not in line with their beliefs. Handle this expense on your own. It will also save you from the guilt trip your parents might be tempted to send you on should they end up paying for something in which they had no input.

Yes, it's your day, but as the generous, loving magnanimous people that you are, you will want everyone to feel at ease on your wedding day. Besides, you don't want your mom to go into the story of the 23 hours of labor she had with you and how it almost killed her, not to mention ruining her figure for life and

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

The Delicate Issue of Steps (and we don't mean the staircase you have to descend on your wedding day!)

2008-12-30T11:12:00.001-08:00

Consider yourself unusual if you and your spouse-to-be both have parents that are still married to each other (not your parents to your fiancé's parents of course, cuz.well.that would be justwell.WRONG, but you know what I mean-both of your respective biological moms are still married to your respective biological dads!) I don't have any firm statistics, but based on the number of couples I've seen, I'd offer a guess that only about one in 10 fit this mold. The rest of you have parental units that are some mishmash of divorced, divorced and single, divorced and remarried, divorced and living with a significant other, divorced and gay, or even divorced, remarried and divorced again. Multiply that by four and the possibilities for stress are endless!

The first thing you need to do is assess the situation. Remember that you are under no obligation to include anyone and everyone in your wedding ceremony. It's your day! Easier said than done, however, if you are trying to be respectful to everyone but your mother won't get near "that" woman and your dad will not acknowledge your stepfather's existence. There are some however, some tips to get you through the worst of it.

Much will depend on the timing. If your parents divorced when you were young and the "step" was an integral part of your upbringing, then you will probably want to give them a higher level of involvement than the step who didn't come into your life until your adult years.

For the most part (and I will acknowledge that there are exceptions to every rule) it is probably best to put a priority on the feelings of your biological parents-unless they are just being plain unreasonable. Always mention them first and include them in your ceremony in the highest places of honor. Generally, these include escorting the bride down the aisle, helping the bride get dressed (definitely reserved for your biological mom!) lighting the unity candle, the etiquette of being seated (i.e. bride's mother is always the last to be seated, with the groom's mother just before her), being given front row seats, inclusion in the prayer of thanks to parents, being thanked via a toast at the reception, inclusion in the receiving line (if there is one) etc.

Regardless of the closeness of the "step" relationship, please remember to give each parent (and "steps" are parents even if they are not biological ones) a corsage/boutonnière. It's inoffensive to all, inexpensive, and subtle and the gesture will be appreciated.

Here are some other ways to include your step-parents in your wedding day, based on the comfort level of all involved:

1. Have your step mothers seated as part of the processional. Just make sure they are seated before the biological mothers.

2. If your stepfather has been an important part of the bride's life, then think about having him escort you part of the way down the aisle, or joining you and your dad as you arrive at the front row. Check with your dad first!

3. Have your dad escort you down the aisle (in traditional fashion). When the officiant asks, "Who gives their blessing to this marriage?" ALL the parents (even the groom's) can answer "We do."

4. Have one of your step-parents do a reading or recite the final blessing.

5. Include your step-parents in the prayer of thanks to the parents. Out of respect for your parents, you'd have the officiant refer to your biological parents first, then your step-parents after that.

6. Blow off the entire idea of including any of your parents. Walk down the aisle alone (or with your groom) and just have all parental units be guests. That way, no one gets offended!

7. Have your biological parents do all the honors for the wedding, but include a special word of thanks to your parents AND step-parents in the program.

8. As far as seating goes, traditional etiquette (which can always be flaunted in unusual circumstances) dictates that married couples should be seated together. According to the rules of those etiquette mavens in the know, it should look like this (it's the same for both bride's and groom's side, so we'll just list the bride's side). Your mom gets the first row and she should be seated next to her husband/significant other. Stepmom goes in the second row, seated next to your biological father. In cases where there is enough seating and everyone gets along, then all four parents (if there are that many) can be seated in the first row. The order should be (from outside in) mother, stepfather, father stepmother. Of course, if your father and stepfather are ready to kill each other, you'll need to modify this arrangement. Use your common sense and get your officiant to help you-etiquette rules are there to make people comfortable. If following them has the opposite affect, then toss them and make up your own rules.

9. If the situation among your parents is really tense and you truly like and respect your stepparent but want to respect your biological parents' wishes, then go along with your biological parents' wishes for the big day, but be sure to arrange some special time with your step-parents beforehand so that you can tell them how much you value them in your lives. Take your stepmother out to lunch, have dinner with the groom's dad and his wife a week or so before the wedding. Make them feel special and let them know you are glad they will be there on your special day, in spite of possible difficult circumstances.

10. Alert your officiant and your wedding coordinator, if you have one, to possible volatile situations, sources of friction, etc. We've got experience in this field and a word from us in a recalcitrant parental ear often works wonders!

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Make an entrance! 10 Ways to get you and your entourage down the Aisle.

2008-12-30T03:12:00.001-08:00

Groom waits up front with best man and groomsmen. Bridesmaids enter one by one, unescorted, followed by flower girl/ring-bearer, with Bride entering last. Note: This is the best choice if your numbers of men and women in your bridal party are not equal.

Groom wait up front with best man. Groomsmen and bridesmaids enter as couples, followed by children and then Bride.

Groom begins processional, either with his best man, or by escorting his mother to her seat. Bridal party to follow as couples, with Bride entering last.

Same as #3, except that groom is escorted by both parents.

After everyone else is down the aisle, Bride is escorted by her father or both parents.

After everyone else is down the aisle, Bride is escorted by her father (or other male escort). Upon arriving at the front row, Bride's mother joins Bride and her father, taking Bride's other arm, and walks the following few steps to meet the groom. (This is a great option if you want to include your mother, but she doesn't want to escort you all the way down the aisle)

After the bridal party enters, the Bride and Groom walk in together. Why not start your ceremony as you live your lifetogether!

The bridal party enters. As the Bride begins her entrance, either with one or both parents, she has no flowers. Her father (and mother) hand her a flower and she begins walking down the aisle. At the end of the rows, lining the aisle, the Bride's girlfriends, bridal party, or any family members stand and hand her a flower as she passes by-giving her a hug as they do so. The Bride is gathering her bouquet as she makes her entrance! (Consider having your groom, or your grandmother hand you the last flower.) Once at the front, the maid of honor, who has brought a ribbon just for the occasion, takes the Bride's flowers from her and ties them into a bouquet.

Forgo the processional altogether (it's nerve-wracking anyway!). Simply meet and mingle with your guests until the ceremony starts and then have your officiant gather everyone around. It's very informal and intimate.

Wow your guests at the start! Dance, skip, ride your bikes, or roller blade in!

Lyssabeth's Colorado Wedding Officiants, Bay Area Wedding Officiants and Rocky Mountain Wedding Officiants. Visit us at www.MemorableCeremoniesBA.com, www.RockyMountainWeddingO and www.MemorableC

Christina Applegate's Astrology / Numerology Combination - Sagittarius (9) the Artistic Adventurer

2008-12-29T19:12:00.001-08:00

With her recent diagnosis and treatment for Breast Cancer at the young age of 36, Christina Applegate has cause to be angry at life. Instead, this Emmy winning actress seems to have taken her treatment in stride and pushed ahead with her life. With the hit TV series 'Married with Children', 'Jessie', and hew new hit 'Samantha Who', all of us have some idea of this young woman's personality, but what is she really like. Read on and learn what Christina Applegate's Astrology / Numerology combination reveals about this multi-talented actress.

===> Astronumerology; Astrology Combined with Numerology

Astronumerology is the science of combining your sun sign from your Horoscope, and your Life Path value from Numerology to reveal which of the (108) personality combinations you fit into. Finding your sub sign is a simple function of looking in a table of date ranges, while calculating your Life path is simply a matter of summing the year, month, and day of your date of birth, and reducing the sum via fadic addition. Since actress Christina Applegate was born on November 25th, 1971, her calculation yields us a sun sign of Sagittarius with a Life Path value of (9).

===> Sagittarius (9) - The Artistic Adventurer

People who are born with this combination are blessed with both upright morals and humanitarian activism; they will fight both for justice and the greater good of humanity. These souls love to compete, but will hold back until they can come from behind and win the race at the very end. They love the flash and style of last second heroics. And despite their schedules, they never seem to break a sweat when it comes to finding time to do the things they really enjoy in life. Sagittarius Nines hold a deep belief that chivalry is alive and well in their world. They also understand that most people don't think the way they do, and they take it in stride that their way is not the world's way.

These souls are deep thinkers, and try to keep up with a broad range of different topics of interest. They are willing to talk about their ideas and opinions for hours on end, and are very passionate about things they truly believe in. Sagittarius Nines tend to not be deeply religions in a conventional sense, but they tend to be very spiritual people. They hold that both fate and karma are strong forces in the world, and are superstitious about these powers, whatever name they may call them. They tend to believe in the golden rule of 'live and let live', and put it into practice in their lives.

===> Conclusion

Christina Applegate's Astrology / Life Path combination shows us that she has a panache for life, and a belief in fate and karma that will get her through the rough spots. And her competitive spirit won't let her down weather she's fighting personal illness or for a cause.

Keith Abbott is the developer and owner of 'Numerology 4 You' where you can order your own Numerology reading, as well as the free Numerology Chart of over 500 celeberieies. Visit him on the web today at