"Single Woman" is a phrase that is used promiscuously. It is tossed around without any clear distinctions among the many different ways in which a woman is single. The misuse and confusion may cause social, political, and possibly emotional damage, as well as unwarranted bias against singles. Here is a humorous look at what can actually be a serious consequence of the confusion

Have you ever referred to yourself as "unmarried"? If so, think about this: A negative prefix in front of a word implies a deviation from the norm. Married with "un" in front means you are describing yourself by who you are not. If we extend this to its logical conclusion, this means you are a "non-man." If you are short, you are "non-tall." If you use the word "unmarried," you are using a deficit term to describe yourself and your friends.

But, that's not all. Even if you eliminate the deficit term "unmarried" from your vocabulary, there is still confusion about who you are because the phrase "single woman" encompasses a variety of circumstances. It refers to women who want to marry and those who want to remarry. It refers to those who don't want to be married at all but wouldn't mind living with a man in a committed relationship. It includes women who are dating and those who wish they were dating. And those who have no interest in dating, like nuns. As if that isn't confusion enough, society (and the Census Bureau) consider married and partnered lesbians as single.

I must have been really bored one day when I started counting the multiple ways those women who have never had a marriage certificate. Then, there are those who did but are now divorced or widowed. I've already mentioned the next tw in which a woman could be "single." I came up with six different categories. There areo categories -- lesbians and those who have absolutely no interest at all in being with a man, like nuns.

The sixth category includes those whom society identifies as single, even if they don't. For example, Marsha and Louise. Marsha has been living with Lenny for 15 years, yet according to the Census Bureau, she is single. Yet, Louise, who has been separated but never legally divorced from Martin for those same 15 years, is married.

Then, what about age? Certainly, a 20 year old is an entirely different "single" than a 83 year old, even though both may not have (or never have had) a husband. And, women who have children are a different single than those without; those with young children are different from those with grown children. And, many women who have previously been married grapple with whether they are "divorced" or "single."

So, if you are an Always Single, Divorced, Widowed, or lesbian, or nun, you could

* Have children

* Not have children

* Be in a committed relationship

* Not be in a committed relationship

* Willing to be in a committed relationship

*Not willing to ever be in a committed relationship

If this isn't enough, you can have some more fun with knowing if you are single, by thinking about "When did you become single?" If you had once been married, it's a simpler answer; you can check your divorce papers. Except, if you are Louise, it's not so simple; she's not divorced from Martin. Of course, if she's now living with another man, she actually may consider herself married to him!

If you have never had the gold ring, when did you become single? Society has no rite of passage for transitioning from adolescence to adulthood. So, did you become single when you turned 13, 16, 21? (In one of the retreats I run for all types of singles, one women said she became single at birth.)

We're not through yet. Society has no recognized distinction for people moving from being a young single (i.e., late teens) to an adult single (i.e. thirty-year olds). Yet, we certainly have different expectations for each. If a 17 year old without a husband wanted to adopt a child, people's reaction would be very different than if a 42 year old wanted to.

By this point, you may be asking: "What difference does all this make?" Well, in some way, it makes no difference. But, on the other hand, it makes a great big difference.

Think how often you or someone you know, or someone on television, or a politician talks about "singles." Societal values and legal and political policies about singles make sense with some definitions of singles but not with others. For instance, "Singles should be celibate until married." Would everyone agree the 65 year old Always Single woman should still be celibate?

Or, what about Louise and Marsha. Marsha may be approved for certain insurance and legal benefits that are denied Louise.

So, if you are feeling badly about being single, be sure you know which single you are feeling badly about being!

If you enjoyed thinking about whether or how you are single, you will enjoy a slightly more serious gift I have for you: 15 Golden Rules For Being An Emotionally Healthy Single Woman. Go to DrKGL.com/rules. And, you will certainly want to check out the weekend retreats I run for all types of single women -- http:www.UniqueRetreatsForSingleW